They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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