is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
