I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
