my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
