Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
