Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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