My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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