Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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