we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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