don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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