Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
