man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize