we have officially lost it.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
