If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize