Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Buhtt sex?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
