I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
