he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
