I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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