I want to walk on stilts...naked
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
