so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
