Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize