I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
