i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
