We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
