I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize