his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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