How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
