i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
