the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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