I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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