Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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