I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
