You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
