Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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