are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
