ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
