If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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