he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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