he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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