you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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