You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
