he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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