You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the condom got lost in my hair
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
