it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
