He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
