Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Boobs are out for the taking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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