yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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