I have demons in me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
