Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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