Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
