What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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