i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize