Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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