when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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