cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
