Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
