Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
