dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
