By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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