Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
