So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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