i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
