I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
