We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
