Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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