Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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