Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
