Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
